I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
