do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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