aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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