I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this boner is exhausting
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
