When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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