how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
