Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alive.
So much puke
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
