the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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