I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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