I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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