That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is the high leading the old right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
