just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
