please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
