its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
