so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
