I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize