It's Friday. Sex?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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