I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
