How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
