Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
