so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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