i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
