Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
