just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
