This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
