please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize