she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
