if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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