In the future we'll all be gay
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
