i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
