everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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