2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
