Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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