I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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