it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
