That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
