i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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