I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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