i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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