Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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