so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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