I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
