You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
