Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
