is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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