tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
