Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
