all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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