her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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