Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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