i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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