Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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