Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
