I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
