We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
