just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
