so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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