shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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