found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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